Tag Archive: friends



😀 and here i come….i know its been quite some time since i showed up here. Everytime i think i should blog something or the other comes up. Now as mom and sis has left to banglore for her admission i guess i have all my time to sit peacefully and write something, which still i have no clue on. Well if i start i feel super frustrated for being stuck in india for a whole month with absolutely nothing to do. All i have done is meet relatives which am really not a big fan of. Am already going crazy as once i get back to dubai there lot of thing to do and friends to meet up with. If i ask my dad whether the tickets are booked yet all he does is yell back saying “why cant you be little more patient and wait till your sister gets her admission done, i know all you wanna do once you get back here is meet up with your friends.Is that all your concernd about”and then he ends it by saying next week lets see. Ya ryt next week!!!!! So tell me how am i to stay at home in peace when my dad alone isnt sure as to when we should get back. Home can be amazingly boring and once boredom hits me then it drives me totally insane like how i am rite now.

Well i didnt mention ryt in a couple of weeks am off to thailand for my 1 month training. Its a training for those who are taking up 1 year commitment for jesus. Woow i myself was shocked when i actually made up this decision to go for fullertimer so were my friends not to mention that cause a person like me going for such a things was shocking 😛 . Knowing the risk of being alone for 1 whole year and hearing different stories from people who have gone for it sometimes makes me wanna withdraw from it. My plan for my future had nothing that involved fullertimership. I wanted to complete my MBA probably by working and study back in dubai and have all the fun that i missed this 3 years.  But i guess this is what god had planed for me. I believe in my case how much ever planing i do something that is meant to happen will only happen.The best thing is to just accept it.  Making decision in my case is the most difficult thing ever. As of for now i have decided to go for the training. You have no idea how clueless i am. Am going with 2 friends of mine and we will be joining the jesus youth international team once we land at the airport. The very thought of it gives me goosebumps as to being at a new place a totally new crowd, its another country and the inquisitiveness to whats awaiting me there is killing me. Its all a big suprise. Unless i get back to dubai and have a word with a close friend of mine (rony) who is also an x fulltimer i dont thing i will have any peace of mind. Sometimes its so that we just get worried, be it a small thing which might sound absolutely silly to others.

The challenging part is after the 1 month training we get back to dubai and within 15 days you get your country were you will be working with the missionary for 1 year. OMG 1 year. You can get any country and be there on your own. Thats really challenging as it could be a another country were there will be lots of difficulty in copying up with lanuage, not all places do people speak fluent english. I dont think in my life i have ever taken up such a huge responsibilty where in all my action and words will be taken into account. I got couple of feed backs from those who have gone for this earlier and there have been cases where people have droped half way and gone back home but those who have taken it up and lived through have been blessed and rewarded. But i guess am determine to stay up for it. I mean i wanna know what life could be out of the comfort zone. Recently i have got so used to mom being around and she with all her mumminess of geting things perfect that even if am messy she does my work. I know being a big girl ( or thats what people say) i still cant imagine being away to a total strange place for a whole year.Even though i seem to be prepared there still a bit of scaryness remaining

I should probably see it as a whole new experience, as at some one point i will have to live my life alone. But i really dont get it as to why do i feel like chikking out now. I really dont get it why am i so nervous and scared by the whole thought. While chatting with rony last night and he told me i should be open and ready to face anything. We should have the attitude to change ourselfs for good rather than trying to change the world.

Hmmm i know i have been talking a lotta crap and about me being nervous but i guess i should let it out somehow. As of for my best friends are all back to dubai and am probably the only one stuck up here all bored and jobless to death.

I really don’t know whatelse to write and this is what i feel and i guess i cant go creative as of for now my mood is really really off. I know i sound depressing and not all that enthusiastic as it might sound from my previous post, but i believe this is my lil space where thoughts should pour out and feelings should be voiced 🙂

I guess am better now maybe this is what exactly i should have done couple of days back 😀 just write down whats in my mind and get it done with.

Well i hope this phase of mine will get over soon and probably write something better and one more thing am happy which i cant really mention here 😛 but jus know am happy about smthng smthng 😛 lolzzz

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LONELY AGAIN……


So lonely i feel,

lost in the wilderness of pain

captured in the cage of sorrow,

drowning in the ocean of misery.

The pain of being alone

can onlu be understood when alone.

I feel lost and lonely again.

I want to be loved.

I want to be cared.

I want to be the star in your eyes,

but seems likes nobody cares.

Why do i feel,

like the world around me is so numb.

So deaf to hear me cry.

so blind to see me sad.

Nor can i blame you,

nor can i blame him.

Alone have i come to this world.

Alone shall i live in my world.

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